Your Sperm is Evil
by ThatGoTGirl
Summary: One-shot post Hogwarts / Draco is a bit early for the annual family barbecue. Find out why he's barging in the Potter mansion and disrupting Harry's relaxing day.


**This is a plot bunny that has been sitting in my mind for far too long. Hope this short fluff is okay enough.**

"HARRY JAMES EVANS-POTTER!"

It had been a very relaxing day in the Potter mansion. His eldest kids were still in Hogwarts and are due to come home later in the evening for the annual Christmas Holiday bonanza that Ginny Potter throws everytime the kids came home for the Holidays. The woman of the house has spent the day in the kitchen, ordering their House Elves to prepare the buffet needed for the Party. This year, a barbeque would be held in place of the usual fancy dinner. It gave Harry's wife the time to relax since all she really needed to prepare was the marinated pork and potato salad. The pastries she ordered from a famous muggle bakery shop are scheduled to arrive later in the afternoon. Harry and the boys helped the day before to set up the backyard. This morning Ron volunteered to take the children to Hogsmeade for some extra shopping—no doubt spoiling the kids using his wealthy commission.

A very calm day indeed. Well…until it was ruined by the front door being opened without his knowledge.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, pushing his glasses up his eyes to see the intruder. He has been on his way to his study when his full name was growled in an alarming degree of anger. Draco Malfoy left the door banging open behind him as he murderously glared at the other wizard. His clothes were rumpled—his white shirt untucked and his tie hanging loosely by his neck—but he took no notice of them (which seemed really odd for a man like him). Before he could open his mouth to inquire about the man's state of delirium, he was help up by the collar of the very furious slytherin.

"Your sperm is evil!" Draco snarled, pushing him to the nearest wall.

Ginny heard the commotion from the kitchen and immediately joined her husband and Draco in the foyer. "Draco, what are you doing?" Her hand is on her hip while she looked at the situation with disinterest. She had too much to accomplish besides stopping any fight between the two. Honestly, it's like they never grew out of their teenage years.

" _Draco!_ " Hermione Granger-Malfoy ran inside the mansion carrying a small duffel bag. It must be clothes since they all knew that the couple will not return to their home anytime soon so they might as well get ready in the Potter Residence. She stopped short when she saw her best friend practically two feet in the air while being held by her husband.

"Hello sweetie!" Ginny threw her arms around her dear friend, squeezing her for all its worth.

Hermione returned the gesture, hugging the woman back in return. A house elf took the duffel bag from her and quickly apparated it to the guest room. They all knew the protocol when the Malfoy's came to visit. They always got the best room. "I've missed you."

"You saw each other yesterday," Draco grumbled, rolling his eyes. Then he looked at Harry—to which the latter shrugged and mouthed ' _women_ '.

"Care to explain?" Harry grumbled nervously. He has been close friends with the slytherin to know never to mess up with the man.

Hermione groaned, crossing her arms across her chest. She was still wearing her day clothes which consisted of a long, flowy floral dress topped with her favorite red coat. Her bushy hair is in disarray meaning that she didn't have enough time to style it before following her husband to prevent any family tragedy on a wonderful day. "He knows."

The golden couple let out simultaneous ' _ah_ 's since they seemed to understand the situation. Then realizing that Draco still had him in the air, Harry gulped loudly. "I—It's nice, isn't it?"

" _Nice?_ "

Hermione has to lie if she says Draco isn't turning her on at the very moment.

"You call your hormonal _spawn_ deflowering my daughter _nice_?"

A nervous laugh erupted from The Boy Who Lived. "D—did they do _it_ though? Like, is there any proof?"

"Oh trust me, I don't need proof," Draco muttered darkly. He has been a fifth year student in Hogwarts once. It was actually the time that the female population of Hogwarts started calling him the 'Slytherin sex god'.

"Shouldn't you be glad that Anya's first boyfriend is James?—my son that _I_ raised quite magnificently might I add." Ginny placed her case.

"You've known the boy his whole life, sweetheart. Isn't there a better boy for Anya?" Hermione jumped in the conversation, hoping her voice would be enough for Draco to be sane once more.

"B—but they hate each other!"

Despite hanging three feet above the ground—curse his darn height—Harry could sympathize with his best mate. The boy who lived understood what Draco was going through and would just dread to experience the same with Lillian—his four-year-old daughter. "Remember last Christmas when James 'accidentally' knocked over his drink, spilling it all over Anya's white dress? And the latter retaliating by throwing a bowl full of egg salad on his head?"

Ginny and Hermione sighed. He is analyzing this way too seriously.

"Yes but when they cleaned up whose shirt was your daughter wearing?" Ginny raised an eyebrow. She has been definitely spending too much time with Narcissa Malfoy.

 _Fuck_. "So they liked each other back then?"

"Babe, you threw paper planes all around our dormitory when you were trying to catch my attention at 7th grade when we were Head Boy and Head girl," A smile met his lips when his wife reminded him of the good old days. Well, until he remembered that her revenge was enchanting his shampoo to turn his white locks into black. "Any boy who spends as much time trying to catch a girl's attention by driving her insane is a boy who is quite taken. Any girl who retaliates as soon as the boy does instead of ignoring him is…well, there's a very thin line between love and hate. _You_ of all people should know that."

"Uncle Won, awe Uncle Dwaco and Daddy in love?"

Every adult—based on age—head turned to the living room door where Ron was carrying his two-year-old son, Henry, with Lillian and Leo on either side of him. Apparently they've managed to floo inside the mansion without any of the parents noticing. A suspicious grin overtakes Ron's face, obviously finding amusement with his three friends and sister.

"What are you saying, sweetheart?" He asked, looking at Harry's daughter weirdly. The girl has far to many questions for her own good. This morning, he almost tore his hair out because of her endless questions on why he and Henry's mother, Pansy, do not live in the same house. He can't just answer ' _well, my clueless niece, there is a famous muggle phrase called a one night stand_ '. Ginny would probably hex him into oblivion, or worse, tell mum and dad.

The little red-head swayed her skirts slightly before answering, "Mommy's always weading me stowies about how the pwince saves the pwincess and the pwince takes the pwincess in his awns and lifts her hiiiiiigh in the aiw,"

He took this opportunity to scar the child for life "Why yes, your Daddy is a little princess and Uncle Draco is his prince,"

If looks could kill, Ronald Weasley would be six-feet-under at the moment.

"But how will they make a baby?"

"DRACO MALFOY WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING OUR SON?" Hermione, scandalized by her son's too knowing tone in questioning, glared at her husband.

In an attempt to save his own skin, Draco dropped Harry on the floor leaving the latter to be bombarded with hugs and kisses by his daughter and nephew. Little Henry follows on his chubby legs as he attempted to make a seesaw out of his uncle's legs.

"Darling, I educated him a bit early about the birds and the bees."

An eyebrow is raised by the muggle, "And without my consent?"

"Mum! Dad! You're early," They all turned their heads above the stairwell, finding Draco and Hermione's eldest daughter, Anya, holding hands with a sheepish James.

She is the spitting image of her mother. Her brown curls are neatly piled on her head by a spelled hairgel her mother specifically brewed for her. Even her fashion sense came from Hermione: a perky pink blouse with a flowing floral skirt finished with her beloved brown clogs. Her brown doe eyes can easily bewitch someone with their innocence and superiority. Perhaps the only aspect that Draco can proudly say he passed on her is her knack for pranks. She was a nightmare to deal with after the summer she came back from the Weasley's manor. Uncle George is said to be her new idol.

James, however, takes after his father—excluding his bright brown eyes. He is Scorpius—Hermione and Draco's eldest—best friend and has spent more time in the Malfoy Mansion instead of his actual home. Despite knowing that he is a nice fellow, all Draco could think about his how his son would write him letters about the school girls practically falling on their feet—one time, someone even 'accidentally' fell on James' lap during dinner at the Great Hall. What if Anya comes home one day because she is heartbroken from watching the other girls flock around her boyfriend?

The boy shivered in fright when he caught sight of Draco's unwanted glare. " _Hello Potter Jr._ "

He tightened his hold on Anya's hand unknowingly. "Good morning, Mr. Malfoy."

Harry and Ron rolled their eyes at Draco's triumphant expression.

"Sweetheart, you've always called him Draco." Ginny met them at the bottom of the staircase, giving each a big hug.

"Mr. Malfoy is perfect actually," Draco interjects, smirking when the boy's stance wavered.

The smack delivered to his head said otherwise. "Will you quit being such a sourpuss?

"Yes dear," He mockingly agreed with his wife before she can even mention his name and the word 'couch' in the same sentence.

"What are you doing on the ground, dad?" James finally let go of Anya's hand to help Harry off the ground. The small children were pouting in disappointment before bribed by their Uncle Ron for a piggyback ride.

Harry adjusted his glasses and massaged his backside. "I have _you_ to thank for that,"

"Why do you—" When he realized that Draco was smirking, he let out a long 'oh'. "Draco—Mr. Malfoy, can I please speak with you privately for a moment?"

Draco narrowed his eyes, surprised by the request. Even more by the serious tone of the kid's voice. He placed a short kiss on Anya's forehead before nodding his head.

"Try not to hex him, dad?"

He only smirked at his daughter's request.

They made their way inside Harry's study after the latter has given his permission.

"What's happened?" He heard Ron ask.

" _He knows_ ," His wife answered.

" _Aaaah_ ," Weasley mused, "Your son is a dead man walking, Harry."

The door locked with a click after them, making all the welcoming noises coming from the foyer disappear. After years of perfecting his poker face, Draco can intimidate anyone who negotiates with him. James, as it seems so, was an exception. After all, who could take a man who helped him prank his parents and relatives seriously?

"Draco—"

" _Mr. Malfoy_ ,"

" _Mr. Malfoy_ , I perfectly understand why you're reacting in such a way." He started. "We did keep the relationship a secret for six months,"

" _Six months?_ "

He raised his hands in surrender after noticing Draco advancing towards him. "It was Anya's idea. I was all for shouting that she's mine in front of everyone during family holidays—oops, horrible thing to say. Anyway, your daughter has always been a part of my life and I like to keep it that way— _romantically speaking_. Honestly, I've always harbored a bit of a crush on her when we were younger. I know that you're worried about the girls that Scorpius keeps on writing about—please don't be. Your daughter is twice the woman that they are. I'm very lucky to have her, sir."

When they came out of the study unharmed, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. His daughter all but launched herself in his arms, thanking him over and over again. Everyone congratulated the new couple—despite their knowledge of it. Hermione took it upon herself to get everyone ready before the guests started arriving and Ginny rushed off to make some last minute preparations on the food. Ron volunteered to cast a heating spell on the outdoor pool so that the children would be occupied while the adults mingled. Scorpius, Lily, and Albus arrived a few minutes after Draco and James talked and kept complaining how they missed all the much needed family drama after months without it in Hogwarts.

A few hours later, everyone is dressed to impress and the Potter mansion is filled with the magical atmosphere of a family Holiday. Blaze Zabini and Theodore Nott, Draco's best mates aside from Harry and Ron, were with their wives Luna Lovegood and Amanda Fox (who would have thought the another pureblood would also end up marrying a muggle with no knowledge of magic until their engagement night?) Neville Longbottom is with Parvati and he has grown into quite the handsome bloke. Narcissa and Molly are the duo that surprised them all. Their love for housekeeping and doting on their grandchildren is a forced to be reckoned with. Draco's mother is often seen with Molly Weasley having tea in a posh wizard restaurant in London.

The night went off without a hitch—except for the part where George decided to honor his former twin by spiking the punch with a laughing potion. They almost had to pry Molly and Narcissa off each other as they discussed on how they could have made the party better with more decorations. Ginny fumed and casted a spell to put them in sleep—not before casting an immobulus charm on George herself. Poor bloke. He will wake up with no memory on why he's floating in the middle of the pool using Lillian's large inflatable ducky. The two women were in bed before the clock even struck midnight.

No one ever thought that they would be having a barbeque tradition with Draco and Narcissa Malfoy or that Hermione and Ron did not end up together. Anyway, they're all glad of the outcome of the events after their final year at Hogwarts. They can almost feel the ghosts of the past smiling at the joyous future resulted from their sacrifice.

 **How was it? I know that some characters were a bit OOC but I wanted with fic to be light and happy. I've never been one to write a dark fic. Please let me know what you think and don't hesitate to suggest some future fics.**

 **Thank you for all your massive support for my other works. Especially Player of the Games—my Game of Thrones fic. I know that I don't update as much as I did but I'm trying my very best. Please spread the word about my stories. I like sharing them with other people.**

 **Xx**


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